for the least of these..

I’m sitting here in the seminary lounge at Multnomah this afternoon after my first class of spring semester.  And for the first time, I’m here as a grad student in TESOL and no longer as a MDiv student.  So it follows that I no longer belong here in some way, but it’s become a third home for me.  It’s the same space, but a newer feeling as of today.  I can’t really express what it has meant for me to be a student here at Multnomah.  I remember thinking of ways to get out of here as fast as possible, but now, it’s a kind of longing that I feel for this school.  I will definitely miss being here when it comes time for me to really say goodbye, once I complete the TESOL program, but hopefully by then, I will have become brave enough to move on to even newer things.

Last night, a couple of the EM members and I went downtown to go help at Transitional Youth, which is a ministry that works with homeless youth in Portland.  We cooked and served and cleaned and it was a real blessing to be there and to meet young kids that are on the streets in our own community.  All the kids that walk through for a meal on a night like last night are under 25.  Of course, their reasons for being homeless are different and varied.. some kids merely come for food and nothing else, but others are very clearly seeking friends and people that they can trust.  All of them were respectful and kind – the same thing that you would expect from kids in your local church youth group.

One young girl, Jill, caught my eye.  Very bright and clear headed.. she passed by the food table and stopped for fruit salad, which I was serving.  She said that she had been in her tent all day and had only eaten pickles that day.. “Today was a day for sleeping..”  She sat down at a table and said a few words with those around her but mostly stayed quiet.  Big eyes, all her hair cut short under a black beanie.  Wore sweaters that many of the people in Eugene would normally wear.. a camouflage jacket and a big backpack.  She came up to eat almost seven times.  Half of a whole pizza, pasta with sauce, 2-3 servings of salad, fruit salad, two bowls of ice cream, a Pepsi and lemonade, and 5 PB&J sandwiches for the road.  Skinny girl with a ravenous appetite.  And it slowly broke my heart.  I had a few friendly conversations and laughs with other kids as I tried to convince them that they really wanted fruit salad, but she was the one that made an impression on me the most that first night. 

I remember the faces of homelessness well during my college years in Eugene.  I would see them as I rode past them on my bike.. on the way to class, to church, to the grocery store for food.  I stopped once during my freshman year to talk to a couple that looked hungry on the bench outside of Safeway.  And prayed on my way home that God would give me bravery to reach and step outside of my comfort zones.  Sometimes I feel that there is little that I can do since I have no experience with homelessness or its unique culture, but I know in my heart that this is a false fear.  One that leads to inaction and discouragement. 

After starting my studies in seminary and working at my church, I went through a couple of years in the protection of my affinity groups and walled buildings with heat and air conditioning.  I’ve always felt this complacency and displeasure of God at that kind of living, or perhaps with the mentality that justifies that sort of living.  So for the past six months or so, the EM has been moving towards more outreach in our community.  This has always been the weakest link in our church, at least in my estimation, and needed to be addressed in a context where change could be made. 

Being and working at an immigrant church is tricky ministry.  But at some point, even the immigrant church has to move out beyond itself in order to grow.  Korean-American churches are far too good at maintaining and sustaining and saving.  My thoughts about all these things, even at this point, are not clearly processed, so I’ll stop with this: our greatest convictions about our faith need to translate clearly into the greatest of actions.  Perhaps newer things for many of us..

Maranatha.

I am awfully tired this New Year’s Eve.  Following a youth retreat and endless hours in the kitchen trying to feed almost 40 people, I am undone! 

But really, I had a great time!  And I am overwhelmingly thankful to my ministry friends and the students that went.  The more you live, the more you realize that life is really about existing with and then embracing other people before God.  I love the idea of life.  What a painfully beautiful gift.

I still have guests over at my house for New Year’s Eve dinner, but I slipped into my room about an hour ago to take a mental break.  I honestly feel so tired today.  I am hoping that by the time I walk into church with my family, that I will be alert enough to dedicate the end of this year and the whole of the next to the Lord. 

Despite being tired, I am mighty grateful to God for life and people.

I often measure the length of my friendships and look back on how my friendships have grown and progressed.  There are friends that I have known for the entirety of my life in the States, others 15 years, others 8, others 5, others 3, others less.  I am consistently surprised at how God puts more and more people before my eyes.  I always leave this kind of exercise with an enormous amount of affection in my heart for those in my life.  I wonder how many new friends I will meet this coming year.

I think Terry said it best.  Terry is one of the men I met last week during our EM’s outreach in downtown Portland.  I put a cup of soup in his hand, which he was hesistant to take because it was a little too early for him to be taking in something spicy.   But as we talked and told me a brief summary of his last year, he said: “People can go without money, but they can’t long without knowing that they’re loved and cared for..”  How true are his words.

If I could sum up my heart for this new year, it would be a Matt Redman song I heard again two days ago as we were driving back from the beach:

If I Have Not Love

Jesus, I could sing
In the tongues of men and angels
But if I have not love
I am just a clanging cymbal, an empty sound

This is a love song
This is a love song
Jesus, a love song to You
A song of devotion, of reverent passion
Savior, a love song to You

Jesus, I could pray
With a faith that moves a mountain
But if I have not love
It is just a noise resounding, an empty sound

It’s the overflow of hearts
As we gaze upon Your beauty
A reflection of Your worth
For we’ve seen a glimpse of You in Your glory, Lord

May the Lord bless you as you love Him with devotion and reverent passion.  And may that compel you to love others all the more this new year.

Peace.

There are a number of things that one expects to feel when one graduates..

Each time I graduate, it’s a very bittersweet feeling.  And those emotions that I expect to come when I’m done, I almost never feel in the moment.  It all comes months and years later when you begin to realize how grateful you are for the blessing of having had such an opportunity.  Completing my studies in seminary is my most recent one.

I remember sitting in Thailand and having the discussion that led to my decision to do the M.Div.  It was one of the defining moments for me and I remember it so well because I made the decision with such confidence.  I knew that it wouldn’t be very easy at all, but I knew very well that God would lead me through.  And it was that confidence, not in myself, but in God, that has enabled me to keep my head above water all this time.  I often journaled in class throughout the last three years, right as I started my first class in seminary, all the way down to my last in-class sermon and last final in Greek.  I’m very blessed to be where I am and to know the people that I know and to have people in my life that I consider to be my closest friends. 

One of the youth students asked me tonight, “Do you know what you want to be?” 

I paused for a split second before saying, jokingly, “No.”

I think I know what I want to be, only because I think I know what God wants me to be and to do.  I’ve made the effort to make every decision in the last several years out of faith, knowing that while I may be the one to cast the decision with my lips, it is God who carves out the path for my feet to walk upon. 

Faith may seem scary, but there is really nothing as secure and safe as believing and trusting in God, who does all things well. 

All things.  Very well.

Maranatha.

Absence is to love what wind is to a fire; it puts out the little, yet enkindles the great.

Peace.

His wheel grinds slowly, but it grinds exceedingly fine.

Peace.

I would encourage each of you to sign the petitions up at www.aclj.org. I’m not much of a politiker, simply because I don’t know enough about politics to talk about it, but I do have opinions. ACLJ (American Center for Law and Justice) is a solid Christian NGO and I believe in a lot of what they do, especially currently. The current petition is coming right before the UN meets tomorrow, so it is crucial to sign it now. It will be presented as a hard copy containing tens of thousands of signatures before the UN by the ECLJ (European Centre for Law and Justice) asking for an official investigation to be made into the reported and ongoing human rights violations in Iran. This particular petition is against Iran’s leader, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, and the Iranian government at large, concerning severe international human rights violations following his re-election this past summer. Many are still imprisoned and continue to face torture, rape, and death. As Christians in the international community, we must speak for them.

The other most recent petition is against the Obama administration’s health care reform bill. Please look and read their petitions and if you agree, sign it.

Maranatha.

This is an entry that I had written on June 26, but for whatever reason failed to post.  Our English Ministry prayed for these two a few weeks ago and things have been quiet in the media until now.  But I saw a headline a few minutes ago that read “North Korean Pardons US Journalists,” and I was elated.

June 26, 2009 

Although I fear the worst for these two, I am also prayerful about their futures.  God be praised.

Maranatha.